... So I set out on a self introspection. And as I went on thinking about it, a few issues which I never even thought were important, popped up. I've observed I stopped writing shortly before the time I got to Bangalore. So what changed between then and now?
The only major thing that seems to have changed is me coming away from home and starting a new life(style) altogether. Maybe I was caught up in a maelstrom of emotions, coping up with all the major changes in my life at that period. Maybe I was not ready for this transition. Maybe I was not ready to step into adult life.
I believe it took me quite some time to get used to this paradigm shift. I mean, every single thing around me changed. I was 17 then, just another wide eyed kid who came to the college thinking she had the world by tail, blinded by an illusionary version of a utopic world. Took some time for the reality to kick in. Took some time to get my priorities right. Took some time to figure out people. Well, took some longass time to get used to the whole new world.
All that while I never had time to figure out who I was or what I wanted in life. Just mechanically worked an insane schedule. And now, one year into college, I believe I'm done with all that getting used to stuff. Maybe that's why I feel like writing again, because the chaos is finally over and I have enough peace to do the thinking.
But then there's still this question about why the way I write has changed. I seem to think of only one logical explanation for this. Maybe, as I have undergone a huge transition in life, my thought process also did. It looks like I have turned out much more serious (read:boring) and cynical (public opinion).
I fought with the change for a while. But finally I just thought of welcoming it and accepting it as the way it is now, instead of getting psyched at why I'm not the person I was or why I've mellowed down so much. Right now I'm just intent on waiting and watching instead of trying to control every other thing thats happening with me, and guess what, life's a lot easier this way! Like the mariner said,
The self-same moment I could pray
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea.
On that note, I sign off.
Author's Note:
This is just the outcome of having too much useless time at hand and thinking way too much about mundane things. If I bored you, well, try to keep up. Will come up with something else next time.
8 comments:
sometimes, life is like that. We in the process of growing up, outgrow our own innocence, and that spark which had inspired us all this time, to fight for your dreams is lest behind in those corridors of past and the previous, not necessarily dead, but definitely forgotten of.. hard to resist this seductive mistress called indifference, when its so apt at its art..
But remembering those old times, those days of sunshine is always welcome, after all , what are we, but our stories...
I just have 2 words. ^Holy Bow^
You have said in 10 lines what I wrote in 2 posts. Dude, you seriously need to blog. Get your lazy arse off the IM and start off on this
thanks for that, but ofcourse i could say that only after reading your original thoughts first.. and as we are aware of our parallel thought process... what can i say more? :)
True, very true indeed. At times things make a lot more sense when they are left unsaid. So you needn't elucidate on that. I know what you're talking of. Rock on, dude. Keep writing.
I can relate to what you've written here,Vinita. And I must say,you've put out your thoughts very well. Would love to read the other article you've written as well. (the one that got you analyzing everything)
Thank you, but which other article? The one I mentioned where I was a serious ass and talking serious stuff? Planning to put it up shortly.
You're still as good. Just stop trying to impress (me). It should come naturally.
LOL, I never tried to impress anyone. Of all the people, you would know it better. You always knew I never cared much for public image.
I write whatever comes to my head, and of late I feel that doesn't make sense. That was all I meant.
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