Boy, had it been a long time or what. You might be wondering why I haven't farted in this place for quite a while now. Well, for the starters, farting is what you call... very UNlady like, and also, I couldn't just get the impulse of writing GAYtam part 3 off my mind. So this has been a selective writer's block, since GAYtam's mojo is SO strong that it prevented me from thinking about anything else. And now finally I guess I've found an equally entertaining topic which I was requested to put up here OPD*. So without further ado, I'll launch into the theory.
Well, its called an accident if it happens once, a coincidence if it happens twice and a stellar pattern if it keeps happening time after time. So ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure to chronicle this cosmic concomitance, the Matka Syndrome.
Okay, before I try in vain to pique your curiosity further, I’ll put it plain and simple. There is this very awe-inspiring dude called Matka. And he has an even more awe-inspiring romantic life. I must say that his mojo is SO strong (stronger than GAYtam’s, if I must clear it up) that a selective group of females, who turn many a number of heads around when they walk by, are attracted to him.
Now now, this selective group of females includes lecturers, CAT class mates, visions in orange and anyone else that are drawn to the irresistible phenomenon called, simply, the Matka Syndrome. Indeed, the pattern was so uniquely anomalous we couldn’t help but notice it and be overcome with awe ourselves. For, almost ALL the females who suffer from the Matka Syndrome have an overlapping set of qualities.
For the starters, they all are as atramentous as the night sky, as slim as the rock of Gibraltar and as desperate as Guantanamo Bay prisoners for Eva Mendes’ arse. That said, I felt it was a real shame not to christen him with a term that adds up to his mojo and help us relate to him. Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby present to you, Matka the UCM.
Ugly Chick Magnet.
Well the aforementioned set of females are so overcome by the syndrome that, they resort to all sorts of activities ranging from profligate flirting in the lab, to audacious entry into the HOD’s chamber to change their electives to what our UCM has chosen. And I must tell you, the lecturers from the aforementioned set do not even make an attempt to hide their confoundment or adulation for our guy. Needless to say, those females bequeath upon him the ultimate favor they could bequeath upon anyone – Marks. (What else did you think they were capable of, I say!)
And then when our dude gets bored of all the copiousness of attention in the department, he resorts to romancing adulterous housewives. Very discreetly, of course. For his opportunities in the awesome department full of non-males (as a beloved friend of mine puts it) might diminish. All this said and done, I believe this is enough documentation for the future generations to look up to him and immortalize him in the legends and folklore of RVCE. So I conclude by saying “All hail Matka the UCM” and all that stuff. So long for now.
*On Public Demand
Author's Note:
I duly acknowledge Monty's intellectual hard work for christening this wonderful phenomenon as the Matka Syndrome and taking my UCM theory to a whole new level. And Alok for the juicy bit on adulterous housewives. I'd also like to thank some of my pals at the wonderful CS dept who encouraged me to get off my lazy butt and put this down to dazzle the general public. Hope you are bedazzled. As the humble chronicler, I was just doing my job.
And finally, Matka, this was ONE effervescent opportunity. Just HAD to pen this down. Apologies for the unbridled sarcasm/wisecracks. Not your fault if the aforementioned chicks target you. Take it with a pinch of salt. Thank you.
