The Resplendent Life and Times of Arjun S Bharadwaj

I still remember the first time I spoke to Arjun S Bharadwaj. You would too, if you were in my place. In a span of ten seconds you will know why it scarred me for life.

I became cognizant of Bharadwaj’s presence after he proved to be the star of the Engineering Mathematics class. Story for a later time. Anyway, after I get to know his name I ask him, “Hey, are you the same Arjun S who sent me a request on orkut? Sorry I did not know you that time so never accepted. Glad to know we’re in the same section”. To which he replies, of all things…

“What is orkut?”

Now I had a good mind of terminating this post here because this would’ve made for an interesting anti climax and proved my point. Nonetheless, it would be sacrilege if no one enlightens the world about his majestic intellect and near exclusive taste in women, music, and technology.

Firstly, women. There is no denying that he gets attracted only to the most pulchritudinous ones. For the benefit of the females reading this post I shalt describe his simple tastes.

1. You either need to be anorexic thin or borderline fat. Obese would be a turn on.

2. You either need to be below 4 feet tall or near 6 feet tall. I must tell you he has sound reasoning to back this up, but what the reasons are is up to you to decipher. I do not spoon-feed information.

3. You either need to have very curly hair or very straight hair.

4. You either need to be REAL nerdy or real dumb. Though in more cases than most, both conditions are analogous to each other.

Now I must tell you, this is not something I made up. But I admit, even his longstanding friends were rather disconcerted by these choices at first. But after you know Arjun S Bharadwaj for a while you would understand the deeper meaning behind the things he does .The deeper meaning here being; being a man of computer science, he sure understands his binary well.

Now how he aims to charm or seduce these females is an epic in itself. For the most part he plays the silent admirer and gets butterflies in his stomach whenever the aforementioned females pass by him. But of late he resorted to being a tad bolder than that. He started trying out everything from giving away free software keys to collecting study material for them. And when all else fails, he uses the ULTIMATE charm he could use on any female worth his steel:

He debugs their lab programs.

His playlist makes even a hardcore music freak green and puffy with envy. For, who else would still take the time out and acknowledge the ebullience of versatile genres and talented singers like Britney Spears, Ricky Martin and Prince; and at the same time hold a fierce indifference to Dylan, Knopfler or Clapton? I am still yet to figure out the deeper meaning behind this.

His passion for technology is unrivalled. He makes it a point to attend all the cloud camps and Dev-Days and collect more number of IT company tee shirts than his fellow tech enthusiasts.

And before I wind up, I am tempted to give you another piece of inside information. Ladies, stop reading RIGHT here for this might dishearten you. For the others, I would like to tell you that there is a highly likely chance that Arjun S Bharadwaj is secretly married.

I choose not to elucidate on this further because this post is already too long for my taste, and also, I feel it is a tad more interesting to sign off shrouding you in mystery.

Au Revoir.

Author’s Note:

And you thought this guy was one of your regular mundane harmless geeks? Tch tch. I tried my best to keep this post more concise, but one can never cut out all the words one wants to in describing the overwhelming qualities of Arjun S Bharadwaj the NERD. Anyway the time spent writing this post bunking my CAT class was time well spent. Now I can sleep in contentment that I have played my part in further enlightening the world regarding the existence of singular characters like GAYtam and Matka and Arjun.